Our son was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome with clinical demand avoidance when he was 5 years old and just about to start school. We had been worried about him since he was aged 2, but various professionals had overlooked his difficulties.
Our local Catholic school (where both our daughters went) told us they couldn't meet his needs - although a statement was on it's way we were told to expect about 8 hours support per week - so we had to visit various primary schools in our local area until we found an infant school some distance away that had a great support assistant who was also supporting two other boys of the same age, who could be available to my son, most of the day. The school was in a very deprived area and the teachers had good strategies around behaviour and motivation.
Our son had 3 good years at this school - so good that when the LEA suggested he could return to our local junior school we jumped at the chance and transferred him.
The transition was badly planned and unsupported, and from day 1 he had tremendous difficulties. The staff were completely unprepared and quickly felt out of their depth as his distress became more obvious.
We fought the LEA for 3 ? years to convince them that this placement was failing, but we found it difficult to persuade the school to back us up with clear and relevant information, and things just carried on.
We knew he was failing academically - he was IQ tested at over 140 when he was 10 years old but his performance at school was barely average; and we knew he was deeply unhappy - his behaviour at school and at home was becoming unmanageable. The frustration of seeing him in this situation was unbearable, and we felt like failed parents for not being able to 'make it right'.
Eventually within weeks of starting his Y6 year, he refused to go to school (his new Y6 teacher had not planned his transition and no support was in place - though she assured us that she would see to it 'as soon as she could get around to it') we supported this and the school called a meeting with us and the LEA and inclusion and it was agreed that he should leave school and have further assessments, and we were referred to the Area Child and Adolescence Mental Health Service.
Long story short - my son was assessed as mentally sound, but with depression and anxiety around school and education.
The LEA were starting to admit that mainstream education could not meet his needs (they could not admit that it never had, but described his needs as escalating). We were encouraged to visit a variety of special needs schools in our local area. Typically they provided education for children with learning difficulties and obviously could not meet his academic or social needs, so we drew a blank.
We managed to get hold of a directory of special needs schools, and were drawn to Breckenbrough as it was one of the few schools we could see that offered education to ABLE boys. We were attracted; too, by the Quaker philosophy, and the whole ethos of the school.
We looked at the website and brochures and really liked the description of what was being done at school though we were nervous that our son had been so damaged by his experience in mainstream schools, and out of the system after almost a year at home, that the school would not be able to work with him.
When we visited the school in June, this fear increased as we realised that Breckenbrough was everything we could have hoped for. Friendly, inclusive, purposeful, experienced. And all the boys seemed just like our son! On our next visit we took him with us, and we realised that if this visit went badly then we would not be able to apply for a place with any confidence. The visit went well, and our son seemed receptive to the idea of going to Breckenbrough.
Trevor (the Headmaster) was happy for us to put in our application, which we did immediately. We already had a tribunal booked for early September, as our son's name was down for a local comprehensive school with an inclusion unit - which we obviously couldn't accept. The next few weeks were a scramble to collate evidence that would support our application (which the LEA had refused on the grounds of cost) and the tribunal. We were so desperate because we have looked at schools since our son was 5 years old and Breckenbrough was the only school we had seen that had everything he seemed to need. Mid August the LEA withdrew from the tribunal and agreed to fund his placement at Breckenbrough. I felt like a 6 year fight was over.
The whole family were very nervous when he started school. This was a boy who had 'failed' in so many ways at school - the only place that seemed to work for him was at home with his family. The girls took a day off school, and we all drove up with him, and a mountain of clothes, TV, toys, books etc.
We shouldn't have worried, the school were ready for him, and took him straight off on his Monday walk and he went without a backward look.
Since his start in mid September, things have not gone smoothly all the time, but I can rely on Jenna (a member of the care staff) to talk to me about him in a frank and positive way, leaving me confident that whatever he throws at them is manageable and in their terms quite normal.
He has rediscovered confidence in his academic potential and talks proudly of his achievements (a real first!) He is making friends and appreciates the male-orientated environment where he is encouraged to use his interest in Warhammer as a tool in the classroom and a social outlet. He thinks Stuart (head of care staff) is 'awesome' and Jenna is 'cool' - not descriptions that we are used to hearing about teachers and professionals. He seems to have grown 6 inches since he started - not just physically, but in a confidence and assurance I haven't seen before. Friends and family comment on his calmness in social situations. Christmas is usually a minefield at our house, but he is learning to judge situations with a new detachment and logic instead of just 'going for it'. He is still a boy with serious difficulties, and we know he does not give the school an easy ride. But after 4 months we are starting to trust that this school could be life-changing, not just for our son but for us as a family, and we are deeply grateful that he has this opportunity to get his life back on a course that we could not hope for last year.
At the Christmas play in December, I was struck by the confidence and happiness in a group of boys that I guess may have had similar experiences to him. I thought about what these boys would be doing if they had not accessed a school like Breckenbrough, and guessed that in their local senior schools their futures might look a lot less positive than they might look now with the support and education they are receiving at this school.
Thank you.
R.O. (Parent)
